Pursuit of disCOMFORT
- Annu Mary Mathew
- Jun 28, 2023
- 5 min read
Have you ever thought what you may experience or where you might reach, IF ONLY you go beyond your discomforts? Have you ever thought that it's not just you, but a natural phenomenon to feel discomfort? Have you ever thought you really have it in you to take it? Lance Armstrong once said pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. What do you think?
[*Alarm: Radar 🔊]
“Radar” blares loudly in Aanya’s ears, jolting her up from her dream. Realizing that her house help left the curtains open, Aanya instantly becomes upset as the bright morning rays dazzles in her eyes. Alarm continues to ring persistently. Aanya frantically searches through her nightstand to locate her phone, while knocking her already broken glasses down. As she struggles to open her eyes, she debates whether to press the “stop” or “snooze” button. She hears her mom calling her all the way from the kitchen, just to remind her that she needs to wake up NOW if she wants to make it to work on time. The aroma of her favorite rava idli wanes before the warmth of her cozy blanket, and the comfort that her morning snooze bring, and so... she snoozes.
Everyone knows the feeling of wanting to just hit snooze, only to stay in bed for another five fleeting minutes until you hit it again. Eventually, you reach a point where you realize there is no time left and you have to rush out to catch up. Or when you need to catch a flight back home and you have an empty bag waiting to be packed. You may feel like putting that off for a bit. Soon you find yourself worried that you don't have enough time left to get everything ready, which surely brings its own distress. Or rather, that feeling of wanting to have a lot of friends; however, when the time comes to interact and socialize, you back out, telling yourself that your social battery is too low for the day.
I am sure many of us can relate to this. However, when this becomes a pattern that hinders our personal fulfillment and well-being, it's important to take a step back and reassess. Why so? Let’s think this through.
This is the case with Aanya and many others like her. Aanya is a promising young adult with a lot of potential and possibilities. She is a medical student who wants to work hard and successfully complete her course which has been her dream since childhood. However, Aanya says that she has not been able to go for her final year posting due to her difficulty with managing time and some sort of an “internal struggle” as she describes it. She believes that even mundane affairs such as getting to work on time, meeting up with friends etc, are starting to become effortful. She has been turning to instagram and youtube everytime she feels any sort of distress. Most days she needs a few minutes to lay down in bed which unintentionally progresses to a few hours. She eats a few bars of chocolate while at work to ease her distress which eventually becomes her lunch or dinner because she is already full from them. All of this ends up biting away a chunk of her time and health. She says she does all of this to comfort and ease herself, however in no time, this distress only seems to multiply with additional guilt of showing up late, feelings of being inadequate and helplessness.
In situations where we experience this “inner struggle” as in case of Aanya, we find ourselves torn between two opposing demands pressing on us: #1. An intense desire for comfort and #2 a set of significant needs waiting to be fulfilled- which we shall call original needs for the sake of this article.
Well let's delve deeper into these needs.
Need #1.Comfort seeking-
Undoubtedly this presents us with a struggle. Comfort seeking is typically a way of trying to keep distress at bay. As humans, we have a natural tendency to reduce any imbalance from within, which is great! However, expecting to maintain that balance all the time might be idealistic and almost impossible. So, here are some questions to ask ourselves: Staying in bed scrolling though reels may bring temporary relief, however, is it also snowballing one's distress asking for it to be dealt with at a later point in the day? By seeking immediate comfort, are we achieving a lasting or long-term solution? What then do we expect to feel in just a matter of time? Soon we will find ourselves at a juncture- a nagging awareness of undone responsibility that brings little or no relief. However, it may breed a sense of helplessness when it accelerates into a more time and emotionally demanding task. If comfort seeking does not bring satisfaction, then what purpose does it really serve? Are they giving a momentary satisfaction, but later humiliation, embarrassment or guilt?
“Putting off easy things makes it hard, putting off hard things makes it impossible”. - George C. Lorimer.
Need #2: Original needs:
There are other needs waiting to be met on the other side of comfort. Well lets see; taking a reference from an example given above, getting an extra five minutes of sleep would surely be pleasurable, but it comes at a cost. We may be comforted by those extra minutes, however, only by compromising our need for punctuality. We may be comforted, but by impeding on our need for staying organized or the experience of slow and calmer mornings. For the sake of a few hours at home, are we neglecting our need for socializing and building quality friendships? In situations where we manage to overcome comfort seeking, the reward awaiting us on the other side may be a feeling of wellness or securing a certain set of desirable values which in this case are a sense of control, punctuality, staying organized, being meticulous etc. When consistently met, they could perhaps surge into an overall defined sense of identity and esteem. Here are a few things to think about:
Reflect on the underlying experiences you may have when you sacrifice the immediate need for comfort. Is this trade-off worth it, both in the moment and in the long term? Are meeting your original needs more promising of a better outcome than the comfort you so urgently desire? Aren't they what makes you a tad bit more confident in holding your head up comfortably? If so, does redirecting your attention to meeting your original needs worth tolerating momentary discomfort?
What does moving from COMFORT to DISCOMFORT look like?
Imagine how these everyday small steps can silently accumulate and transform you into (in this case) an overall meticulous, problem-solving, clear-minded, and fair individual. |
Interestingly, a study conducted showed that comfort seeking would only make one dependent and anxious while at the same time would make one less open to newer experiences.
Do you think Aanya would be able to become more punctual if she can sacrifice some comfort of scrolling, with putting away her phone for an early night? Would she be able to get to work on time, if she manages to deal with the discomfort of jumping out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off? Would Aanya be able to perform better if she is better rested, well fed and free of guilt? Would she be more social if she goes to meet her friends despite her low social battery?
To explore what lies on the other side, one will surely need to overlook comfort. Ultimately, in pursuit of comfort, don’t deprive yourself of an opportunity to find your highest potential and the best you can experience in your life, making it the most meaningful. Indeed, comfort and growth are as compatible as water and oil.
Good luck with blending the two!
“A ship is always safe at shore, but that is not what it is built for” -Albert Einstein
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