Most of us do not realize that we spend a lot of time, trying too hard, to find solutions to problems that do not exist at all.
I believe that great problem-solvers are possibly those who differentiate real problems from those imaginary ones.
We have our own ways of solving problems as long as the problems are real and solutions are readily available. We do deal with a financial crisis, challenges of losing a job, interpersonal problems with a colleague, as well as resolve conflicts in our marriage so long as there are solutions to choose from. In such situations, we take the help of family member, a close friend or someone, who has dealt with such problems earlier. We might read a book, approach a bank or consult an expert or even google (how can I miss this one? :).
Now, it’s not necessary that we have solutions to all the problems in life. What do we do, then? Yes, we accept problems that cannot be solved or adjust with those that we do not have much control over. That is when we get to hear statements like; “Priti got used to her complexion”, “John is very good with his team now”, Gita is adjusting better in the hostel this semester”, “Rahul is now okay with his new roommate” and “Joyce has accepted her husband now”. After all, they knew that they can’t do much about those situations than adapting, adjusting or accepting.
However, it is not necessary that there is a smooth progression to acceptance. At times, people do take time, spend a lot of energy or go through an emotional turmoil in the process. It is natural that they get frustrated, feel helpless, get into arguments, blame others, curse god or even feel guilty. At least some people take the help of a counselor before they reach a reasonable amount of acceptance or adjustment as they face a problem that does not have a solution, otherwise.
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein.
Now, the problem arises when our problems are imaginary. At least, a good number of people do live in fear — of losing a job, rejection from a partner, of an impending danger, of some negative impression others can have about self or even a fear for the unknown. If you are one of those who are fighting something imaginary, consider the following;
1. Make sure to have a reality check. A critical appraisal of the situation is what is required. If needed, take help from others.
2. It doesn't matter what you think. What is more important is that your thoughts based on a reality, not on an assumption.
3. Let us stick to 'facts', not opinions. The latter could be baseless and it does not take much time for us to verify most of the facts.
4. Share your problems with someone close to you. Let him/her have an independent evaluation - just for another perspective.
5. Give time a chance. Most problems do disappear after a while. Just think about some serious issues you had faced earlier in life.
“Until last evening, I have been busy trying to solve a problem that I now know isn’t real”.
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